The secret to being an early riser is ...

There isn't one.

I want to get up at 5:00 am.  I work 2 jobs.  At least 3 nights a week, I do not get home until 9:30 pm.  I cannot seem to wind down to actually go to bed on those nights until 10:30 - 11.  I don't sleep well most nights.  On the nights I can go to bed early, I tend to still stay up late. 

I started reading all these self-help books and articles, things like: 

9 Secrets to ACTUALLY Waking Up Early
How I Became an Early Riser
8 Tips for Waking Up Early & Conquering the Alarm Clock

All of them are a variation of similar themes.  Put the alarm clock across the room.  Have a consistent sleep-wake schedule.  Stop using electronics at least 2 hours from bed.  Don't eat late (remember that getting home at 9:30).  Don't hit snooze.  Ask a friend to help.  Blah blah blah.  Done them ALL.  Did all the "sleep hygiene" stuff to get to sleep.  Have tried numerous ways to get up.  I have used wind-up LOUD clocks, sunrise alarms, etc.  All I have found is that sleep and I don't really mix and I am going to be tired in the morning.

If I really want to wake up at 5 in the morning, I am going to have to make myself get up.  So tonight I will set multiple alarms, place them around the house, and make sure they are all set for the same time.  You can't do this with a baby.  You can't do this if your significant other has a different schedule. 

See, there is no secret.  I don't start my day with joy, I am just trying to wake up.  I don't meditate blissfully awake to a new day.  Hell, most of the time I am praying that it will snow.  I can't give a strong reason because the reason is literally so I can continue working 2 jobs without fucking one or the other up.  The reason is so that I can keep making lunch and breakfast to take to work.  The reason is so I will have time to exercise most if not every day.  The reason is to get into some semblance of a schedule so I will stop sleeping until noon on Sundays.

Self-help and advice do not seem to help.  I am tired.  So is everyone else.  I am trying to dig out of severe debt.  I would like to retire one day.  Even though everyone says doing something like this will kill me, I have no clue what else I can do.  I can try to find another job that pays as much as the 2 combined.  That would most likely mean moving from the area I am in which also means leaving my significant other who is tied to this area.  It would also mean starting over with very little money, and on and on.  Yeah, that's not happening any time soon.

So for now, I will continue setting my alarm to 5 am and hope that I can actually stay awake instead of going back to bed after changing it to 6:30 or 7.